Mass Effect: Full Life Calibrations
by Zet Sway
Summary: Garrus ramped off the building and did a backflip out of the Citadel. CRACK. PARODY. Oneshot.


This is a parody of Half Life: Full Life Consequences by squirrelking. This is only for the lulz and it was never my intent to cause any upset.

Starring GARRUS.

Mass Effect and all associated characters belong to Bioware. I make no money from this fanfiction.

Original idea and all mispellings belong to squirrelking.

Also it's very important to note that I deliberately spelled everything wrong just like in the Half Life version. I do, in fact know how to spell and it pains me to publish such horrible grammar.

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Garrus Vakarian who is John Shepard's buddy was one day working at C-Sec typing on a computer. He got an email from his friend that said that Saren and the geth were attacking Eden Prime and aksed him for help so he went.

Garrus got his computer shut down and wet on the elevator to go up to the docking bay where he left his spaceship and normal people close because he was in his C-Sec uniform. Garrus got on his spaceshpi and said "its time for me to live up to my family name and face full life calibrations" so he had to go.

Garrus ramped off the building and did a backflip out of the Citadel. He kept driving down the galaxy and made sure there was no geth around because he ddint have weapon.

The galaxy were nice and the planets were singing and the stars were almost down from the top of the sky. the mood was set for Garruss quest to help his buddy where he was. Garrus looked around the galaxy and said "its a good day to do what has to be done by me and help my buddy to defeat the enemys".

Garrus was late so he had to drive really fast. A cop car was hiden near by so when Garrus went by the cops came and wanted to give him a ticket. Here Garrus saw the first monster because the cop was possessed by reapers.

"I cant give you my license officer" Garrus said

"Why not?" said the possessed officer back to Garrus.

"Because you are indoctrinated" so Garrus shot the oficer in the head and flew off thinking "my buddy is in trouble there" and went faster.

Garrus had to go faster like the speed of sound and got there fast because Shepard needed him where he was. Garrus looked at galaxy signs and saw "Illos" with someons writing under it saying "secret research facility" so Garrus almost turned around but heard screaming like Shepard so he went faster again.

Garrus flew in and did another flip n jumped off his spaceship and the space ship took out some husks infront of Garrus. Garrus smiled and walked fast. Garrus then looked on the ground and found wepon so he pickd it up and fired fast at angry geth in front of a house.

Garrus said "Angry geth leave this place" and the geth said "but this is our house" and Garrus felt sorry for them becaus they couldnt live there anymore because they were geth so he blew up the house and killed the geth so they were at piece.

Then Garrus herd another scream from his brother so he kept walking really faster to get where he was. Illoos was nothing like the galaxy there was no birds singing and the pants were dead and the dirt was messy and bloody from husks.

When Garrus got to where the screaming was started from he found his buddy Commander Shepard fightin the final bosss and Shepard said "Garrus! Over here!" so Garrus went there to where Commander Shepard was fighting. Garrus fired his bullet from teh gun really fast and the bullets went and shot the turian in the eyes and Saren couldnt see.

Commander Shepard said "its time to end this ones and for all!" and punched Saren in the face and the giant turian fell. Garrus said "thanks i could help, bro" and Shepard said "you should come here earlier next time" and they laughed.

The laughed overed quickly though because Garrus yelled "LOOK OUT BRO!" and pointed up to the top of the sky. Shepard looked up and said "NOO! Garrus run out of here as fast as you can!" and Garrus walked real fast out.

Garrus loked back and saw Shepard get steppd on by Sovereign and he was mad and angry.

"I'll get you back evil reaper!" Garrus yelled at the top of lungs.


End file.
